I loathe Holi, and everything related to it. Right from the colours that people smear on your face to the random water balloons bursting unexpectedly at your feet.
I don't have any personal beef with that festival, it's just that the sight of people dancing around to drum beats, drinking and forcing me to dodge around cars stuck in a traffic jam just so that I can avoid garish colour staining my clothes. It's a common sight to see a group of men covered in pink, red and other shades of gay colours; dancing in the middle of the road, scattering more to the winds to it can get into your eyes and hurt. It's a well known fact that Indians suffer from an acute case of Herd mentality. Which basically means that in a group, we go close to postal. If being dragged into crowds, having your face painted a nice shade of red, blue, green, and pink; and then being doused with a bucket of water is your idea is fun, you're welcome to it.
This is a picture of a typical Holi reveler:
At first glance, you might think that she's just someone else who's enjoying getting sprayed with water and gulal. But I notice the squinting of the eyes to prevent her eyeballs from getting fried, the plethora of colours on her hair and face that she'd waste a week on trying to scrub it off and the plastic smile... not a pretty picture to me.
Another thing I hate about this festival is the marketing that companies do in a bid to sell off their goods. This is a common sight during Christmas, Diwali, Easter, Shankranth among others. Full-page, brightly coloured ads. in newspapers, complete with an immaculately dressed and made-up couple with a grinning kid endorse the product, possibly stating how their lives transformed after falling for another commercial gimmick. "Hey suckers, it's holy, and make it more colourful by buying our new car - now available in *colour name* for a limited time only." Or how about "Secure your future and enjoy this festival by being tricked into purchasing another pointless thing you don't need, want or require*. Some go to the extent of conning us into shelling out cash for posh homes, land, getaways et al.
Holi is boring to say the least. You can't go out any where, or you'll risk being water bombed, schools and colleges are closed, so it's being at home with the folk. Never watch TV, they usually air boring things about some child who died because of a flying water balloon, or lost a body part; a chef preparing something replusive and complicated, or some news channel damning the Holi industry for using substandard materials in their powders; while another one will bitch about the expensive pichkaris and how the common man can't bear the burden of it. Under the tag of 'Holi special', shows remotely connected to colour will be on the entire day boring me to death. Even newspapers don't spare us. Apart from the aforementioned ads., they go around holding those ;lucky draw' or scratch card contests, which only fat, ugly housewives seem to win. Supplements chock full of thrash, and interviews of 'stars' about how they will celebrate this Holi, how they did the last, and what they miss about their childhood ones is religiously published, with a picture of the stars face gracing it. To fill up a few more pages, columns describing the song-for-the-season, what hair-care and skin-care regimes they abide by, and what they'll eat to avoid some dreadful short-coming today, and a astrology/numerology quack prophesizing about the doom that may befall us today, if we commit the error of not tacking a few extra letters to our names are added. Nothing annoys me more than using religious festivals for sham marketing.
Oh, by the way, the chemicals used in the colours cause you to break out into a rash, or erupt boils on your skin. Here's a happy Holi to you. I recommend some good skin cream. Nizoral works (not the shampoo)